End of 2014

20 years that make a big difference in my life.

A journey that I didnt even expect. Throughout the year, I woke up to a very beautiful Allah's gift. Yes I admit, eventho sometimes most of them are not what I wanted but I am always sure that they are what I needed the most. As I see it now, my life has meaning and perspective. Ya Allah Ya Rabb, thank you for everything that You've given me. Allah let me feel and experience a lot of things this year especially when He has invited me to be His guest. He blessed me with a beautiful family and the people who have been present in my life. Allah made me whoever I am today. Alhamdulillah Im so thankful for everything. Most importantly, I can feel the change in me now that Im getting more matured. Matured in many things. I am 20 but more matured than many people twice my age. This life experience might have made me a better person.

I guess its not enough for me to express my gratitude here. Just sharing what I really feel, how this year brought me by far.

Now, Im looking forward to 2015.

- AN.

AN random #4

There is a place. A very strange place for me. Ive only been here for 10 days. New place, new environment, new friends and everything new la senang cerita. Im personally and physically not so comfortable being here. But I came here with my own reasons and intentions. Mentally exhausted thinking about all this. Hopefully I can survive to be here for the next 3 and a half years. Can I? Okay lets just think positive. In Shaa Allah, I can I can I can. They say, no one can go back and make a brand new start, and I turn the page maybe I'll find a brand new ending, In Shaa Allah. Please make a dua for me bcs Im about to start the most difficult phase of my life so far. May Allah make easy for my difficulties and install tranquility in my heart to find peace and happiness that I desire.

Amin Ya Rabb,

- AN.

Nothing can beat His plans

"Whenever I dont understand what is happening in my life, I just close my eyes and say Ya Allah, I know its Your plan. Just help me through it". Sometimes its hard for me to understand what He really want to happen but I always put my total trust in Him. Bcs only He knows what I really feel inside and He knows whats best for me and for my life. What has happened must have wisdom. I walk slowly while enjoying the beautiful journey of life bounty Allah SWT. In Shaa Allah, there is fortune for the patience. For every breath I took, thank you Ya Allah.

Indeed, Allah is the best of planners.

- AN

An unspoken feeling

Today, I went to eat at a restaurant with my family somewhere at Damansara. While I was eating, suddenly adela satu perasaan yang entah I dont know where it came from but it has absorbed into my soul. Just wondering why I accidentally started thinking about those who less fortunate. Tengah makan sedap ni then tetiba boleh terfikir dekat diorang. Actually, before ni pun I selalu terfikir pasal benda ni. Maybe, Tuhan nak ingatkan I supaya hidup ni kena berpada-pada. 

During all this time, Ive always had a fancy foods, wearing all the pretty clothes, bags, shoes etc. I can go abroad, I can buy this and that. I admit that I dont come from a wealthy family yet we're still able to buy something that we want. Just bcs a person is poor doesnt mean they're less fortunate. They've a money problem not necessarily a life problem. They may not have a lot of material things but what they do have is a lot of love and a lot of respect. Well, I guess when we're either forced to or choose to live more simply we tend to take more of an opportunity to be grateful for what we do have. Having a deeper gratitude for the simple things in life means to me is vastly more fortunate. 

So about this feeling that He has given into my soul. A feeling that I cannot express with words. Its not a feeling for liking and loving someone or whatsoever but a feeling which is quite beautiful and cannot be revealed even a single word. Im so grateful to have been given by Allah to have a "feeling" of this. I hope it will remain forever.

- AN.

Confession

Since its raining heavily right now, people choose to sleep rather than doing anything. But I keep blogging instead of sleeping hehe.

I frequently opened my Twitter account every single time and I read most of the tweets but I didnt tweet anything tho. When I dont talk about something or when I dont tweet or blog about certain things, it doesnt necessarily mean that I dont think about it. Well I guess that applies to everybody. Maybe sometimes we cant help but pour our feelings to someone or somewhere kan. Im not saying its wrong express ourselves bcs theres nothing wrong with it.

At this point in time, Im having a Facebook account with over 3k+ friends which I dont really know most of them. I have a Twitter account with more than 42k tweets (not as much as yours) and I suddenly realized that Ive spent half of my life on social sites. In fact, just now Ive just spent half of my time to unfriend most of the not so-called friends from my FB friends list. Now I currently have only 400 friends on FB yet I still dont know most of them.

Sometimes Im so scared day by day bcs of the social sites like these. How can people be arbitrary screenshot others conversations and pictures that they themselves dont know, just to get more RTs and Likes? Just imagine, if you posted ur pictures on ur Instagram then suddenly someone had secretly screenshot ur pics and then posted anything bad about you and then they gets much more RTs and it has spread widely. Imagine if it was you or ur family? Ohmai those attention seekers are sick. I guess this definitely a good sign. So Ive decided to take a long break from social sites like FB and Twitter for the time being. These are social sites that I think Im addicted to and I should take sometimes off.

- AN.

Hospital and Doctor

I was admitted to Hospital Sg. Buloh since 26th October due to remove my wisdom teeth. Minor surgery had to be done. Actually, Ive made an appointment in June before and I thought I would be able to do the surgery immediately but I had to wait until the next 4 months. Well everythings happen for a reason and Im so happy with that. Tbh, it was actually a perfect timing. Thank you Allah.

24th October - I need to come to the hospital to take a blood. Dr. Nazrul told me to come to the hospital again on Sunday and admitted in hospital for my surgery on Monday. Day goes by.

26th October - It was my very first day in hospital. I came pretty early bcs my dad said "nanti susah parking". But when we were there, everything feels like "safe and sound". Theres a lot of parking, no many people as always, no shops were open at that time and such else. Ugh why dad? Why must at 8 am and its Sunday. I was admitted at 10 am in ward 7A (Wad Oral/Maxilofasial/Dental) and my life has been so lifeless. Why Dr. Nazrul? Why must at 10 am? Why not at 12? Hehe. I was alone in an empty room. There were 4 patient beds and only me without any other patients in a lovely room. Yes, I kinda love my ward and my bed. My family went to wedding without me, nicee.

When the nurses was checking my blood, then there were also a 12 y/o girl went into my room. Played with the nurses and I heard that the girl was already quite long in the ward. The more time passes, I already know a bit about that girl and we became close.

27th October - Its my surgery day. Of cos I was so nervous and scared bcs I had absolutely no experience in surgery. But everything goes well, Alhamdulillah. Thanks to my surgeon, Dr. Syed Iqbal and all. Not to forget to my Dr. Nazrul Sauban too.

28th October - Sometimes I feel sad when I had to leave a place that will make me feel longing. Its not bcs I love to stay in the ward, its bcs the people there. The doctor and that girl. She always was with me day and night. She even waited for me by the time I was in operating room. Now its the time for me to go home. Hmm and I got 11 days of MC okay.

5th November - How time flies. So today I went to hospital again and got to met my Dr. Nazrul haha. But sadly, it was my very last appointment with him. Nomore after this. Then, I came up to my ward 7A and met my little sister, Mira. So happy to see her again but she told me that she would be going home today. Aww so happy for her but at the same time I was gonna burst into tears bcs I was so sad and till now Im so sad. Then before I make a move, she gave me a rubber band made ​​by herself and promise I will keep it safely. Akak loves you Mira. My "spy" when I wasnt at the hospital anymore. Nanti siapa nak jadi spy akak lagi.

I cant believe that today is my last day at Hospital Sg. Buloh. I cant even believe that today is my last day as a patient to a doctor. No more appointment with "That doctor". I miss I miss I miss. Dr. Naz ~

*Errr?

- AN.

AN random #3

Tadi takut sangat. Dalam pukul 3.45 petang, I bukak tingkap and tengok luar gelap sangat, gelap macam dah malam. Tak nampak langit biru, cuma awan hitam tanda nak hujan. Tapi dia punya gelap tu lain dari biasa walhal belum pun pukul 4 petang. I takut sangat kalau-kalau I tak dapat tengok matahari lagi. And paling I takut, kalau ada matahari pun lepasni tapi terbitnya dari sebelah barat. Tetiba I teringat satu artikel yang I pernah baca.

Then, malam tu ada news pasal puting beliung dekat Klang yang berlaku petang tadi. Dahsyat sangat. Demi Allah, Tuhan yang mencipta langit dan bumi, yang menurunkan hujan. Hanya Dia je yang tahu rahsia disebalik kejadian. 

- AN.

Dear little brother

Today I caught myself smiling again.

Ive a younger brother who is now 15 y/o and we're so close to each other. But I always wonder why why why he never "puji" me. Tadi I just got back from The Curve and I bought wall stickers to decorate my room. Then my adik came into my room and saw the stickers on my wall. I asked him "Cantik tak?" "Cantik kan" then he says "Eww tak cantik langsung!" and dia terus blah from my room. Well Im not offended at all bcs I knew he's not a kind of person who always praise his sister. So unlucky me.

Then sometimes when my mum tak sempat masak, I adela jugak masak for his lunch and tried hardly to cooked and created my own recipes kononnya la. When my adik tengah makan tu as usual la I tanya "Sedap tak weh kakak masak?" Then he was like "Hmm mama masak lagi sedap". Ugh sumpah geram. Deep in my heart of cos la I feel a lil bit sad, at least try to appreciate ur sister bruh. But still I dont really mind pun hahah.

He's also my camera man. I slalu suruh dia take my pic by using his phone. Bcs phone dia lagi canggih than me kot. Dia pandai jugakla tangkap angle yg best and thats one of the reason tho why I'd like him to take my pic. Yup, right after he snapped my pic then I tengok and of cos la I puji myself like "Wah lawa gilaa. Tak sangkanya lawa gila I" Like wthh with my sis huh?

One day, he knew that Im gonna further my degree. He asked me "Kak, dengar cerita seminggu je lagi ada kat rumah? Then I said "Aah. Asal?" "Oh nothing. Haha bestla dapat main dumble dalam bilik kauu" Like seriously bruh? So insane.

Then the other time when I was in his room, sembang together, asked him hows his studies going then suddenly ada notifications masuk dekat his phone. Guess what I saw? My pic on it. Only then I knew that he posted our pics too on his Instagram. Frankly speaking, we dont follow each other on social sites except Facebook je. So I guess this goes for the guys out there, Im not saying all guys are the same but what I wanna say here actually is sometimes lelaki and ego berpisah tiada.

So this is my little man, Alif

- AN.

AN random #2

Kerna waktu yang pantas berlalu.

Setiap malam yang terlewati adalah malam yang tak pernah kembali. Setiap hari yang terlewati adalah hari yang tak pernah berulang. Setiap jalan yang dilalui adalah jalan yang tak terlewati kembali. Semua berjalan cepat seperti tiang-tiang listrik yang berlari ketika kita berada di atas kereta api. - C&P

Doakan.

- AN.

Barakallah, my friend

Barakallah,

Ive just got an invitation from my senior. Senior a year from me will be engaged real soon and Im so happy for her. Namanya Kak Ain, such a beautiful young lady I can say. Same school as mine since I was in form 1 at SMKTTDI. In shaa Allah I'll come to her E-day.

Well, it has become a trend ya when I saw so many youngster who've been married at the young age. My cousin Fatin, 21 y/o has been angaged in February. Alhamdulillah I was able to come to her E-day 3 days before I left to the Holy Land. Presently, I also just got the news that 2 of my ex-classmates when we were in A-Level has been engaged. Hakim and Nurul are the same age with me. Hakim used to be my closest friend in class. Always in the same group when it comes to the group presentation especially during MUET classes. Sembang together and I found that he's so funny. Surprisingly, just now when I was scrolling the timeline then suddenly I saw a marriage pics of my ex-schoolmate, namanya Hashila, sebaya I jugak. My friend time kawad tahun 2008 and 2010 but we never were in the same class bcs we were in different fields.

Not only that, my Tweeps that I started follow 'em since they were single, now they're about to get engaged and getting married. Umur 20 to 24 ada yang dah kahwin, of course makes me a lill bit jealous (Not sure). Act, tbh I also intend to get married early at the age of 21 kononnya but but... but I know, I am still studying at that time. Kahwin time study pun macam interesting jugak kan. But if I kahwin pun, what can I give to my parents? Bagi cucu je ke? Well for me, I just follow with the flow. I'd better finish up one by one. Studying, earn a degree (for my parents), working (to help my parents in the slightest) and then get married. Bcs I personally have my own goals in what should be achieved and deep in my heart, I truly know that Allah has planned something very beautiful for me. Something that I never thought so. So I guess, those yang kahwin awal tu kira jodoh diorang awal. Alhamdulillah and Im so happy for them.

Back then when I was a kid, I guess when Im 20 I would be really really matured, but I cant deny that I still need my parents to guide me in everything.

- AN.

Counting days

I do believe Allah knows everything. My efforts and my hardwork. Solat Hajat and Istikharah, then I let Allah to decide the rest of it. Hopefully all my efforts will be achieved. I am counting down the days.

Nervous.

- AN.

Pray for MH370

8 Mac - "Langit Malaysia untuk sebuah Sabtu bertukar kelabu. Ada rintih duka bertamu. Moga Allah melindungi setiap satu nyawa dalam pesawat itu."

I still remember the very very last time when I went to Beijing China was in December 2007. My departure time was at 12.00 am and safely landed at 6.30 am (Beijing time). Syukur Alhamdulillah, my journey from KL to Beijing went so well. But today, I was so shocked to see the news bout Malaysia Airlines flight from KL to Beijing has been missing. MH370 departed from KLIA at 12+ am and they were supposed to land at Beijing International Airport at 6.30 am. Ya Allah, can yall imagine, the plane was vanish without distress signal or sign of trouble pun then suddenly hilang macam tu je from radar.

Ya Allah, everytime when I want to travel, I prefer flying with MAS than other aircraft. Idk why, maybe bcs I feel comfortable when I fly with MAS and the cabin crews yang memang baik and caring. At the same time, I rasa proud gila bcs I naik pesawat negara sendiri. Now bout the missing Malaysia Airlines ni sedikit sebanyak menggugat kepercayaan orang ramai untuk naik MAS lagi. But for me, MAS is still the best. I just love Malaysia Airlines so much.

Uhm okay I wanted to share something that I will remember forever. Something that not related to the topic at all.

It was my flight from KL to Jeddah. Ada sorang atuk ni duduk tak jauh dari tempat duduk I. Dia group I jugak time umrah tu. Dia and steward sembang together time steward tengah serve makanan untuk penumpang. Sampai je dekat tempat duduk atuk tu then diorang sembang:

Atuk: Berapa jam nak sampai Jeddah?

Steward: 9 jam. (Actually it took 10 and a half hours on the plane)

Atuk: Oh, tak boleh cepat sikit ke sampai?

Steward: Tak boleh pakcik

Atuk: Kapal terbang bawak gear berapa?

Steward: Uhmmm gear 5. Hehe

Atuk: Tak boleh laju sikit ke?

Steward: Eh, tak boleh pakcik sebab kat atas ada speed trap. Hehehe

Atuk & steward: Laughing out loud

Back to the topic. So yeah, sometimes I myself cuak gilee bila onboard then suddenly flight langgar awan hitam la, fly time hujan la, I pernah rasa benda macam ni and it was so scary! But so far Alhamdulillah sangat bcs theres nothing worse happens and we were protected by Him. As you know too, once you take off theres no guarantee that you can come back safely in one piece right?

So to all muslims and everyone, please keep praying for the best. Miracles do happen and let Allah decide everything. Kun Fayakun. My prayers goes to everyone in the flight and their families. Ya Allah, it could have been my flight. I swear Ive lost my appetite thinking about them. Malaysia sedang bersedih. #prayforMH370 #MalaysiaAirlines. The world is waiting for you MH370. Please come back safely.

Sincerely,

- AN.

Umrah Journey 2014

Assalamualaikum,

Madinah Al-Munawwarah,

Makkah Al-Mukarramah,

Disinilah I rasa sangat dekat dengan Allah, sangat tenang, hilang segala kegusaran hati. Tidak ingat walau sedikit pun hal di tanah air.

Syukur Ya Rabb sebab berikan aku kesempatan untuk menjejakkan kaki di kedua-dua Kota suci ini. Kota Madinah dan Kota Mekah. The feeling of having to see Kaabah right infront of my eyes was so amazing. Rasa macam tak percaya and tak berkelip mata tengok Kaabah and also being able to stepped on the same ground just as our Prophet Muhammad SAW just indescribable. The feelings that cannot be spoken with words.

There are so many more things that happened that I simply cant list everything down. Some too long and some that are too personal to share. Yup, at first of course I had a lot of dilemmas before going. Questions like "Macam mana if I tak cukup baik?", "Macam mana if ada sesuatu yang buruk berlaku?" You know soalan tu je yang kerap bermain di mulut. At one point, from Madinah headed to Makkah time I dengan para jemaah dalam group yang sama sedang ber-Talbiah dalam bas, suddenly my tears fall. I dont know whats the feeling that I felt at that time. Fear? Excited? Only Allah knows.

But when I was up there, everything feels different. Its true what people say, you cant explain it, you just have to experience it yourself. The people, the place, the ambiance, everything was different. It was like everything was pointed to one direction. In Makkah, millions of people worship the one and only Allah. In Makkah also, millions of people seek forgiveness from Allah. The feeling when you are alongside thousands of people, all heading to the Masjid answering the call of azan. The feeling of being so tiny and insignificant, yet at one with the rest of them. And yes, baru I sedar, perkara apa yang benar-benar penting dalam kehidupan ni. Ya Allah, siapa lagi yang dapat mengampunkan dosa-dosa hambaMu melainkan Engkau sendiri Ya Allah. Subhanallah!

Ive never considered myself a pious person. Yup, not at all. Honestly, I selalu look down on pious people. Astaghfirullah. Sebab bagi I, like I was better and more open than most of them, like they're missing out on a lot of things that people normally enjoy. Tapi apa yang I sedar, masa tu I lah orang yang paling lost gila. Sebenarnya, takde apapun yang tinggi menggapai awan dalam dunia ni yang dapat mengalahkan rasa ketenangan dalam jiwa. And paling penting tiada rasa cinta yang lebih manis selain cinta untuk Allah. The most important is actually realizing how much ure loved in return, it makes everything worldly seem so plastic.

For a sinner like me, its a miracle that Allah accepted me to be His guest. Alhamdulillah I was surely blessed with such opportunity and hopefully I can return to this Holy Land for Hajj and many many more Umrah, in Shaa Allah. In other words, I pasti akan ke sana lagi. I never thought I'd say this but grab the chance to perform umrah while you still able to do so. Thank you so much Ya Allah atas rezeki dan peluang ini.

Thats all I guess. Wassalam. 

- AN.

My only hope

Tetamu Agong Allah.

Bila I sedar and tahu apa objektif I untuk ke Tanah Suci, then our departure there will surely give a million meanings. Come to the Holy Land led a lot of sins, returned home in a state of pure, no more sin as a newborn. Even kita pulang dengan banyak bekalan untuk akhirat nanti. And peribadi kita pun will be getting better after returning to Malaysia. My only hope.

In Shaa Allah. 

- AN.

Stalker?

Okay first of all, what do you mean by stalker? What I mean by stalker? I dont mind if people wanna stalk sesiapa bcs I admit sometimes I pun ada jugak stalk orang. Hahahahaha! But hello pardon please, I stalk orang yang I minat je macam that kind of artist and bla bla bla. Medium terdekat macam Twitter. People yang tak follow kita can read our tweets. Boleh bukak page kita and baca tanpa memfollow kita. Sama juga macam Instagram, people yang tak follow kita boleh curi-curi tengok gambar kita sekali ter-like gambar kita. That is why I always protect all my social accounts.

Well I bukan nak story about my social sites at the same time promote my social media. Im not a famous people like uolls but Im just a servant of Allah. Its just that, last night around 8.00 pm while I was packing my stuff, I started to think the incident time kat kampung tu.

Ceritanya begini,

Biarlah rahsia.

As far as possible I dont wanna tell this. Bcs I know it will affect the fraternal relations. I hope if you read my blog or her/his or whoever blogs, please la DO NOT menjaja my story or anyone else and talk about this and that in front of others. Lagipun everyone has their own story kan. This is my blog so suka hati I la nak cerita pasal apa pun, post apa pun, tulis apa pun, tu I punya pasallah. Janganla sampai blog I pun you nak kecoh bak ang. As long as I know which is halal and which is haram, you people just shut up and mind ur own business okay? Pepatah Inggeris juga ada mengatakan 'dont judge a book by its cover' so I guess you understand what Im trying to say. Well, dont worry, Im not mad pun. But if only you can think, you can feel that right now I am teasing you. Yes perli. So if you read my entry ni dipersilakan terasa, bcs this is special for you.

Peace no war, 

- AN.

The greatest man in history

"12 Rabiul Awal mengisi angkasa,
mengingati kelahirannya,
Manifestasi murni,
Muhammad dan kenangan,
Mengangkat keparas cahaya mulia,
Keinsafan."

Pardon me, eventho I cannot remember the tittle of the song, but I still remember the lyrics of the song. Such a memories for me bcs dulu when I was in standard 3 to standard 6 I masuk kumpulan nasyid kot time primary school. SRA Pinggir TTDI. Actually taknak pun masuk, just bcs tak cukup orang then ustazah forced me to masuk group nasyid tu. I dengan my friends pun masuk la. Of course la malu kan bernasyid depan student lain but luckily I tinggi sikit than my friends so I was in the back row.

Now Im alone at home, still complete my personal statement bcs the deadline is tomorrow. My lil bro pegi berarak at Masjid Al-Ghufran with his schoolmates. My mum and dad also went to the masjid to celebrate Maulidur Rasul. Its a special day for our Nabi Muhammad SAW. I feel so blessed bcs its in January. My birthday, abah and adik also in January.

So, I would like to wish Salam Maulidur Rasul 1435H to all muslims no matter wherever they are. Lets appreciate the struggles of our prophet, Muhammad SAW. He is the greatest man in history. Subhanallah.

Salam selawat to all,

- AN.

Busy

Yea, Ive been so busy lately but now Im just gonna take 10 mins to update whats been going on recently.

10th January - Actually since at the 1st jan lagi I dah start busy. Yes, Im going to leave the country. So on the 10th of jan, I went to hmm I cant remember where the place was to renew my visa and then went to the clinic to get an injection. Actually kan, I pergi Seksyen 14 klinik Pusrawi kot if im not mistaken then bila masuk nurse cakap 'vaksin dah habes' yekee? Then we (with my family la kan) went to another clinic but still no vaccine. At last pegi klinik Famili at TTDI so dah settle. Actually saje jek pergi seksyen 14 sebab ada Digital Mall hehe.

Until today, Im still busy. I guess like Im the most busiest person in the world. Pergh PM pun kalah dengan ke-busy-an I ni. Busy busy busy sampai new novel pun I dah outdated gila.

In fact at the moment Im busy writing an essay bout my personal statement for UCAS app. Bcs I dont have any idea what to write about so here I am right now. Sebab dulu I takde benda nak buat so saje la apply, just for fun kan but still feeling so scared and nervous though! And tatau pulak I boleh jadi sebusy camni. Yess, Im waiting for miracle to happen.

Hmm I was actually planning to go to another country and stay there dalam 2 to 3 months like that. But bila fikir balik, I better follow my parents to go 'there'. Who knows, soon bila I kat sana I can soothe my soul and made my life will be so much better than before. I can only pray to Allah and may Allah ease everything.

''Bakal busy. Mungkin ini salah satu cara untuk aku melupakan sementarara perkara-perkara yg membabitkan perasaan, agar aku tidak terleka" - @zelkahf

Yes Im so busy and Im happy with it.

- AN.